Monday, June 16, 2014

Being Outed, Coming Out and Privacy: #Spanking A2Z Blog Hop Challenge

I'm doubling up on today's post - O for coming Out and P for Privacy - for the Spanking Romance Reviews and Celeste Jones' A - Z Blog Hop Challenge.

When I first got into writing and took a pen name, I had no idea what it would turn into or even that this community would exist as it was. I've made some very close friends and have met many others who are wonderful to know. I've learned to trust people and I've learned also to trust my intuition. Not to say I don't make mistakes but when mistakes happen, they are me ignoring what I know in my heart to be true. I just sometimes have to listen better.

I am out to quite a few friends who know what I do, who know my pen name, but where I live, I choose to keep my every daily life separate from my author's life. I'm neither ashamed nor am I hiding. I simply choose not to share this as I do not want to and that is all. I think it's a choice for each of us and there are different reasons why each of us shares what we share when and with whom we share it and I feel strongly that this choice needs to be respected. I love my friends and value my friendships. I appreciate what people are willing to share and respect their limits. I am not interested in having mine invaded nor am I interested in taking what someone else is not ready to give.

I love to connect with people and the messages I value most are those heartfelt e-mails or even anonymous comments on my blog that say that in some way, I made some small difference in a life or I made someone feel not so alone or just a sharing of a story. I think I'm overly polite at times and that won't change. Using a pen name is a choice and I ask that it is respected. I have a private life and it will remain private. I have a family and they come first, before everything else, always. I'm not willing to budge on that.

I do realize that if someone wants to find you, they will. It's the age we live in, but honestly, I don't give it much thought. Maybe it's a natural belief in the goodness of human kind.

A solemn post for today. I promise something naughty sometime this week though. For now, go and visit the other blogs participating in this challenge.


25 comments:

  1. You said that beautifully! Privacy needs to be respected. If I don't want my name out there, my wishes need to be respected. It is my boundary and boundaries are important in ALL relationships! Great post!!

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    1. Thanks Megan, I think we all feel the same way about this.

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  2. Ditto. I wish it could be different, but privacy remains essential for me.

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    1. I'm just nodding my head. It becomes necessary for different reasons at different times but that boundary needs to be respected always.

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  3. I hear ya! I think it is inevitable with all the info out there that people will be able to find out what they want to find out. I think I am like you and also believe in the goodness of human kind.

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    1. You do, I know it and I want to keep believing it forever!! Sometimes it's hard... :(

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  4. I'm in the same boat with the rest of you. Mostly, I keep it private because many of my friends and family would not understand. I neither want nor need that kind of drama in my life. So, I just quietly do my own thing on the principle that A.) It's not really their business and B.) What they don't know can't hurt any of us. It does really suck sometimes though not to be able to talk to people in my real life about what I'm doing.

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    1. Ruth, I know. That part is hard - only one person with whom I'm friends here (in my 'real' life) knows I write spanking fiction - the rest know I write erotica but nothing else. It does suck sometimes because you want to share your news or talk about how a story took a whole other direction than you intended or something but can't!That's when you get on FB with us and talk!!

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  5. I'm on board with you and the other commenters too. I just don't publicize - it's funny the people who know the real me, very seldom even mention it.

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    1. That is true for me too and the other day, my brother in law was here for an hour and only on the way out, literally when I had almost closed the door, asked how the writing was going. I think people don't know how or something??? :)

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  6. Very well said. Pen names and keeping your private life private as a writer isn't about shame or hiding. It's just making that invisible fence, because people really don't respect boundaries, and that can easily affect your family. Whether it's a parent of one of your kids that decides to rally the pitch forks and torches, or a fan that wants to stalk you. It pays to keep up the invisible fence.

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    1. I'm just nodding my head again! It's so easy to say 'oh, just this once...' but in a way, I'm learning that I too have to respect myself enough to say no.

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  7. OMG, I was going to do a post on pen names and privacy for my P day! Great minds.
    I think it's important to realise that we all have normals lives, we have partners and children, and no matter how comfortable we are about our own writing, we sure as hell do not want our families lives interfered with, in any way shape or form, be it in teasing in the schoolyard, nudges and winks to our partners or indeed there is also the lesser fear of some unwanted attention. Well said, Natasha.

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    1. Absolutely. I think we're fiercely protective of our families as we should be.

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  8. I have my pen name too, though most of my close friends know it if they have been paying attention. Since my children are grown I feel less reason to hide and that feels wonderful.

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    1. I think once mine are grown, I will share with them exactly what I write. I hope so at least. I want to have that kind of relationship - just open and honest and transparent - with them.

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  9. Great post Natasha. Very well said :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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  10. we said, Natasha!
    We have to keep my side private because of hubby's work and the kids' school.
    But in ten years, I don't think it will be as big a deal.
    At least that is what I hope.
    Thanks for sharing
    :)

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    1. We each have our reasons and I think most of us will naturally respect those reasons and I am feeling like the reasons change over time. It's kind of interesting to see.

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  11. I am open about my pen name in real life. But on the internet? Uh no. I keep my real name private.

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    1. It's true I think that you never really know who you're talking to- my husband reminds me of that all the time!! I've ended up skyping with quite a few authors and have met two in person (and hope to meet more). It's really awesome to actually talk to someone and put a face to a name. It does make a difference.

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