Monday, January 20, 2014

The Disciplinarian #Spanking

A few months ago, I came across a site called I'm a Secret Spanko. Not sure how I found it but I read through a ton of posts and found the author to be funny and friendly and I just had a really nice feel about him.

Anyhow, I don't even remember how we first got to talking but we did and it turned out I was right, he was super friendly and funny and just really a nice guy. 

All that and he was/is a real life disciplinarian. Yes!

Am I the only person who used to think those things were reserved just for fantasy? Anyhow, Secret Spanko agreed to answer a few questions for me and he was more than generous with sharing and just being open in his answers. If you haven't been to his site yet, it's really great so go check it out, but first, read the interview... 

Natasha: I'm so excited that I don’t know where to start! First, thank you so much for taking the time to share like this. I really appreciate it.

I'll just go with a standard - tell us a little bit about yourself, specifically about how long you've known you were a spanko and when you decided to start your website, www.imasecretspanko.blogspot.comAnd of course when did you either start to discipline or decide you wanted to discipline women?
Secret Spanko: Those are really several questions in one... I've had a (somewhat sick) interest in spanking for about as long as I can remember.  I can remember the first time I spent the night with a friend in elementary school and his older sister got spanked and I relived it in my mind probably a bit more than normal.  

I remember there was the really hot girl growing up that lived down the street- like most boys growing up I fantasized about seeing her undressed, but probably unlike most boys, I had an elaborate fantasy where she was in trouble in school and had to go to the principal's office the next day but wanted me to give her a sample of a paddling to see if she could take it. I helped her experience it, telling her it was for her own good...because she trusted me... I think I've always wanted to be a sort of nurturing, helpful disciplinarian.

So I've known I was a spanko for a very long time.  Before I knew that that was a word.  But with the advent of the internet, I looked up spanking, and first read spanking stories, then discovered there were videos of spankings, and eventually took the nerve-wracking step of meeting someone for real to give a spanking.
Natasha: You know I’m intrigued (and can I say turned on) by the disciplinarian fantasy. How do women find you? Aren't they afraid you're a crazy  man? With a paddle? How does it all work?
Secret Spanko: I met my first through a spanking personals site.  I've met several others that way too. A couple I've met through my blog.  Yes, there are several crazies out there. But again I go back to the evolution of a spanko: first stories, then videos, then maybe personal interaction.  The woman seeking a spanker- by the time she's taken the step to post an ad on a spanking personals site- has probably had plenty of experience with creepos (for lack of a better word) and I always make the point in our initial conversations that I have to genuinely like someone enough to take their panties down and spank them. At this point, I can point them to my fetlife pics, where they can see that I have friends in the spanking community, and a pic of a spanking model who was the spanking model of the year, and her bottom isn't brutalized after a session with me- it's barely pink. So it's really more about not scaring them off until they feel comfortable opening up.
Natasha: Any awkward moments come up when, say, you run into a spankee at the Target?
Secret Spanko: Not so far, but I did at one point buy some spoons and a hairbrush and the lady at Target raised her eyebrows... but didn't say anything as I checked out.
Natasha: How is it to spank a stranger vs. spanking someone closer? That said, spanking is so intimate an act, how is it for you to keep your distance emotionally from your clients?
Secret Spanko: Like I said before, I want to get to know someone I spank first. But that's not always the case. I remember one Saturday afternoon- I was at work- and I got an email from a young lady nearby. We exchanged a few quick back and forth emails. She really wanted a spanking so I met her at a hamburger place that was open because proper protocol is to meet someone in a public setting first.  We were in line, yet neither of us really hungry for a burger. "Okay- you're cute- let's go. Follow me." she said, and I did. 
It can be difficult though. I sometimes wish I had all the money in the world and could be their knight in shining armor.  I don't, and I don't want to, get involved more than helping them a little. 

Women want someone to spank them, but they also want someone to snuggle with and sleep with and have sex with. Given my situation I can't really deliver on anything but the spanking, but keep in mind I'm human too. To most, but not all, spanking is at least in part a sexual thing.  Yes, I'm sort of conflicted about it. But I do feel like I'm sort of a gateway drug. "Yes! I'm a secret spanko too! I'm not alone!" they discover, and when they get a taste of it, they want that as a part of a relationship. So they move on in search of that, which I can't deliver. 

I've actually had great experiences with married women- it's more of a scratch this itch that my husband can't thing and they're equally concerned about discretion, and less inclined to seek more. 

Also- it's not like I do this everyday. It's weird how my spanking activities ebb and flow- there have been times when I've had more women wanting to meet for spanking than I have time for- I have a real job after all- and there are months (like the last few) when no one contacts me. 
Natasha: What do the women who come to you get out of a session? What do they want and do you keep in touch after the fact? Is there a follow up session? After care?
Secret Spanko: I think they like it. Often it's a sexual response, and yes, they like it.  Only one girl out of the last several I've spanked has not requested another session. Yes, they get plenty of aftercare. 

Sometimes they do want help with an issue, overspending, overeating, quitting smoking, etc... I point out that I can't cure that with a spanking - they have to take control - I won't be with them at the convenience store when they might be tempted to buy a pack of cigarettes or something, but hopefully a sore bottom and the memory of it will make them think twice. Sometimes they bring up guilt over something bad they've done and feel like a good spanking would be appropriate for it and help them move on. 

Sometimes though it's not strictly about discipline or punishment- they've fantasized about it for awhile and just want a good spanking.

All too often I introduce them to a whole new realm, and they find a boyfriend, a master, whatever, who gives them far more than I'm willing to give- if that makes sense.  I've been told by a couple of ladies that if I were to attend a local party, I'd know a large chunk of the female bottoms there, having been the  first to spank them for real.  Not sure if I should be embarrassed or flattered that I introduced that many who have moved on and found fulfillment.
Natasha: Your website is awesome. You're hilarious and, at times, totally serious. Throughout there is that note of tenderness which I appreciate as do many others, I'm sure. What was your intention in starting the site? Has it gone in the direction you thought it would? How has it helped you to come to terms with your kink, if it has.

Secret Spanko: I mentioned before the evolution of a spanko- you realize you're way too interested in spanking, you read stories and watch videos- but you're not a real spanko until you've lived out those fantasies. I know that there are a lot of spankos in a vanilla relationship.  I didn't think there was a voice for them in the spanking community. In fact I suspect that they make up a majority of the spanking video buying, spanking story buying public.  

I have plenty of regrets- I wish I could think of better ways to reach out to secret spankos- and part of me feels guilty for providing tips on how to engage without getting caught, but the bottom line is that I hope to provide a resource and reference for those secret spankos out there. And if it results in some ladies wanting me to help discipline them- well, I wont complain about that either.

Natasha: Thanks so much for taking the time for the interview and for being so open with all of us. For those of you who have not been to secret spanko's website, follow this link to learn more: and thanks for reading.


Roz said...

Wow, this was a great interview and so interesting to hear the POV and experiences of a 'true blue' disciplinarian LoL. Thank you both so much for sharing this. I will definitely check out the website!


Constance Masters said...

Great interview guys!

Cara Bristol said...

Fascinating interview. I'm curious: how does being a working disciplinarian dovetail with any relationship you might be in? How have your significant others dealt with you spanking women on the side?

Mary Wehr said...

Very interesting interview and you're right, Natasha, Secret Spanko does indeed sound like a really nice and caring guy:)

katherinedeane said...

Great interview!
I have a (female) friend who is also a disciplinarian. And she also really focuses on the need for the release. She does men and women. And yes, sometimes there are instances of arousal. But she has a very firm line drawn. No happy endings, LOL.

It involves a lot of trust between her, her husband, and the client (and client's significant other).
She has said that the trust factor between all involved, is a huge deal, and is what makes a session great.
Thanks for sharing this, Natasha!!
I'm going to go check out this site. He sounds really cool!

Renee Rose said...

Yep, I love Secret spanko's site! What a great idea to interview him for the scoop!

Erica said...

Great interview! And thanks for getting SS to come out of his cave, Natasha. ;-)

Natasha Knight said...

I'm posting on behalf of Viola DiMarzo since she couldn't get logged in from where she was. Here it is (I want to know the answer too please).

Viola here, great interview Natasha!
What about lectures, Secret Spanko? Do you have a sort of previuosly agreed upon script? I mean, does the spankee specifically ask you to say certain things? Do some of them rather you say nothing at all?
Thank you to you both,

Casey McKay said...

I am also curious how this works (being a disciplinarian) if you are in a relationship? Great interview!
I am going to peruse Secret Spanko's blog now. :)

Kim Kimbrough said...

Truly enjoyed your interview. :) Thank you

Tara Finnegan said...

This is such a great blog post and interview. I've long been fascinated about just how a disciplinarian who isn't a partner would manage it, and Secret Spanko shared some fantastic insight.
Thanks to both of you.
(And an inspired idea for a blog topic Natasha, wish it had been mine :D)

Secret Spanko said...

Out of my cave? I haven't spent as much time as I'd like in my cave (where I do the spanking Internet thing) but I can see why you'd say that. Glad to know I'm missed.

Secret Spanko said...

That's a good question. And a topic probably worthy of several lengthy posts. Short version is, well... There's a reason I call myself a secret spanko.

Secret Spanko said...

One lady wanted me to say nothing, just spank her with my hand while she fantasized. With most though there is a lecture, and it's individualized. Some want real punishment for real things, one lady "got a speeding ticket" on the way every time. We talk about various aspects of spanking beforehand. Implements, corner time, real punishment, role play, embarrassment, lecturing, etc... What's important to them, what they like, don't like, hate, and why.
For the most part I try to give them what they want, especially at first. But say they're late for the appointment or there's continued misbehavior... Things might escalate from what they like to include some things they don't like so much. Those consequences are designed to be a bit uncomfortable, right?

sadeyquinn said...

Wonderful interview, Natasha. :) My first experience with spanking was through a 'disciplinarian' sex involved. It was awesome. Definitely a gateway drug.

Tracey Horton said...

Awesome interview. Enjoyed it. I have read a couple stories on professional disciplinarians and thought wow, wouldn't that be amazing. Good Job both of you.