Friday, November 8, 2013

#Spanking and Feminism Round Table Discussion



Today's Round Table topic discusses spanking and feminism. I think the first thing to do is define feminism. It is "the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men." 

I believe in equality although I would not call myself a feminist. I wasn't born in the US and come from a culture where the man is the man and the woman is second. As American and modern as I am, as I thought my family was growing up, this was a base belief. Daughters were raised to be pretty and attract a 'good' husband. Doctors were best.

You can imagine the struggle for a child, especially a teen, coming from a culture where women were not equal and trying to fit into western society. It was like two separate lives - one outside my home, another inside. But that's a whole other topic...

In my marriage, I am an equal to my husband although a lot of the time, I defer to his decision. I like that, it fits for us and I don't feel myself less equal for it. The spanking piece, the submission, his dominance, I choose that too. I was the one who asked for it, who wanted it and wants and needs it. 

When we're out with friends, I like it if a man opens the door for me or asks me if I'd like a drink then orders for me. I like a hand at my back as we walk - maybe guiding me, maybe just there. I like when we go out for dinner and my husband takes the wine menu and orders a bottle for us.  I feel very feminine and just taken care of then. I like it; I don't need it, I just like it.

Does it make me any less powerful as a woman? No, I don't think so at all. And when it comes to spanking, it might be the opposite in that in finding my voice, in being able to  ask for what I wanted, well, I became even more powerful.


Women should be treated equally to men, yes, but that is a given to me. I don't have to be labeled a feminist to believe it. Women who choose spanking, who are either turned on by it or know they need it for discipline or both, hey, they're powerful. They have the courage to speak up and say what they want.

So back to the topic at hand, Spanking and Feminism. The latter is, in my opinion, a given for a lot of women of this generation - we don't even have to think about it. The former - well, I just like talking about it. 

This is a blog hop so make sure you drop by the other participants blogs and read their thoughts on Spanking and Feminism.  






37 comments:

Roz said...

Great post! I agree, deferring the decision making to our husband's does not make us any less equal. In, fact, I find I have a greater voice. I like a man opening doors, the hand on the back etc as well. Also agree there is great strength in letting our partner know what we want/need.

Hugs,
Roz

Elise Lansing said...

Oh yes, the door-opening, the hand on the back, hair-pulling ... :) There are as many ways to be a feminist (or not be one, and all points in-between) as there are ways to have kink in a relationship, I think. There is no one-size-fits-all and that is a huge part about what I love about kink and kinky people in general. Open-minded and not so judgmental. So refreshing. Great post, Natasha!

Natasha Knight said...

Thanks Roz. :)

Natasha Knight said...

Or hair pulling... I like that. Add it to my list my friend!!

Anastasia Vitsky said...

Natasha, I love that you point out the assumptions made by US culture. Feminism (and I also don't consider myself a feminist) is about equality and not limitation. Equality can look different to different people, and for some people equality can mean the things you mention. Courtesy doesn't have to go by the wayside.

Viola Di Marzo said...

You said it beautifully, Natasha.
Feminsm, for me, is being able to choose.

Hugs
V.

Emily Tilton said...

Thanks so much for making the incredibly important point about the sub having the real power in any real BDSM scene. I know we both love Réage, but I do get distressed when people read O as an attempt to create a realistic sub. That fantasy/reality line is so tricky!

Natasha Knight said...

I think anyone who really looks at a relationship like this sees that the sub is ultimately the one in control - that it's not abuse, it's choice. Interesting to see how a relationship develops and how personalities make each situation unique. Before getting into this with my husband, I thought it was simple. It's so not.

As for The Story of O, there are so many layers to that story and the very top layer is the sensuality/sexuality. You can dissect every chapter and each time, get more from it. I think that is where its power is.

Natasha Knight said...

Thanks V. It's easy, right? Live and let live...

Natasha Knight said...

Courtesy is a part of being human. The gentleman Thianna mentioned in her post - where is he? I'd like to have him back. No judgment - I wonder when we'll get there...

Sadey Quinn said...

Natasha, great points! Also, interesting hearing about your adjustment to equal-rights culture of the US, that must've been hard.

When you say, "I like it. I don't need it, but I like it." -- this is me, completely. I'm able to hold my own, make decisions, etc, but man...life is so much nicer when he does it for me. ;)

Joelle Casteel said...

Love the post, Natasha. It is interesting how many women "of this generation"- 40s and below maybe?- assume feminism. But yes, I like it... I choose it. I often find it interesting when people not into spanking will lead with a "But why do you like it?"

Celeste Jones said...

I make so many decisions in a day...my idea of luxury is having someone else make a few. Sometimes even picking out the wine is just too much.

Tara Finnegan said...

Great post, all the more interesting as you have seen the two sides of the coin, the more male dominated society and the more equal society. And interesting how you always assume equality in spite of knowing it doesn't always follow, without feeling the need to fight for it or shout about it.
I can't see anything wrong with wanting to be taken care of by one's husband, as a wife will take care of him too in different ways.

Thianna D said...

Fantastic! The line that made me go "yes!" was:

"I like that, it fits for us and I don't feel myself less equal for it."

Maybe at some point we should have a round table on Spanking and equality ;)

Natasha Knight said...

Yes - and it's not every minute of every day. It's just a nice exhale in a way, you know?

Natasha Knight said...

I have never been asked the why! I think for the most part, for me, it's been people who are like 'OMG we're talking about this!' And yes, women of this generation assume equality which in a way, is a great thing. It's the expectation!

Natasha Knight said...

:) I hear you Celeste. Plus he always chooses better wine than I do!!

Natasha Knight said...

I think you're right as tara s taking care of them too - it's in a different but necessary way as well.

Natasha Knight said...

:) I wish we could have glasses of wine while we discussed these things! The world is too large...

Corinne Alexander said...

Oh yes! Hair-pulling is one of my favorites!

Corinne Alexander said...

I think the gentleman and the lady go hand in hand. When you see the appearance of one you will see the appearance of the other. I agree equality means different things to different people. Courtesy is a form of kindness & respect. Both of which I appreciate greatly.

Corinne Alexander said...

You have my curiosity up. I didn't realize you weren't born in America. What culture are you from if you don't mind me asking? You made so many good points. I agree I like it, but I don't need it. It's nice though. I agree it's like an exhale. Mmm being able to relax a little.

PK Corey said...

I am an adult, I am an equal to my husband in every way. Because of the right afforded me as an equal I have choices. My choice is to give the gift of my submission to my husband - my choice, my right. The luxury of being able to drop the burden of always being in charge, of always have to decide is heaven. This wouldn't have been possible for me in my twenties, as I felt I had to PROVE I was equal. Now that I just know it and don't have to prove it, I am finally comfortable with the role I've chosen.

Patricia Green said...

Well said, Natasha. I can't imagine trying to deal with this from the perspective of another culture, although maybe it can be likened to coming from another generation, as I do.

Feminism was supposed to be about choice. In that way, all of us spankos and lifestyle BDSMers are feminists--we've made our choices and will defend them, as you've done with your post.

Renee Rose said...

I love to be treated like a lady, too. Always have. Hold my doors, order my food, help me out of the car, even though I could do it myself! Totally agree! Great post.

Casey McKay said...

I agree, when the woman asks for what she wants in the relationship, it makes her more powerful not less! And I also like when doors are held open and he points something out on the menu he thinks I might like- he's usually right! Oh, and hair pulling...

Corinne Alexander said...

Gosh, I know just what you mean. I felt the same way in my early 20's. I needed the time to mature in myself & my relationship before getting to the point where I was able to submit. I feel like waiting was the right choice because I can truly enjoy it & own it in a way I would not have been able to do then.

Will LaForge said...

The topic is Spanking and Feminism, but the sub-topic should be submission. Yes, women should be treated equally to men, but when a strong woman willing submits to a dominant man in every way, is she any less of a feminist. She may have a day job were she commands/leads a huge staff, but she willing bestows the gift on her submission on the mate of her choice. Is she still a feminist?

Natasha Knight said...

It's super simple, not much to discuss really. Feminism is about choice! Thanks Patricia

Natasha Knight said...

Yep - I can do it all myself, but I like it very much. Thanks Renee

Natasha Knight said...

I forgot to add the hair pulling - but then this post might have gone off in a whole other (delicious) direction...

Natasha Knight said...

I love how you said that Will. It is a gift of submission that is given - a choice made, freely given to her Dominant. It makes her powerful. Submission takes an amazing amount of power all by itself. It's not that you're laying yourself out like a doormat - I am not sure the D would even want that - at least my husband does not. It's an active choice. Thanks so much for commenting, nice to see you here.

Natasha Knight said...

Ok, you'll have to try to guess, Corinne! I'll message you :)

Penelope said...

You're a strong, sensitive person, Natasha, and that comes through so perfectly in this post. Submission and spanking are things that you need, and want, and as you rightly say it takes strength to voice those desires.

And I couldn't agree more that you can be 'feminine' and that doing so does NOT constitute a form of weakness. People are individuals, unique and beautiful, and should be respected as such rather than measured against some abstract metric or ideal.

Maren Smith said...

As I was reading your post, I had a thought. Who is the stronger feminist: the snarling, rabid man-hater who shouts her superiority from every venue and rooftop, or the one secure enough in who and what she is that she can submit to the will of another? Hm, I think my preferred answer shows through the question. Of everything you've written here, I think this line is my favorite: "And when it comes to spanking, it might be the opposite in that in finding my voice, in being able to ask for what I wanted, well, I became even more powerful."

Natasha Knight said...

Thank you Maren. As I read your comment, I could feel the difference between the two types of feminists - and I so prefer the latter. It's soft and it's positive. We need to put out as much positive as we can.

x

Natasha