Friday, October 18, 2013

Who Brought Spanking to the Relationship? Round Table



This week's Round Table discussion asks the question 'who brought spanking into the relationship.' I've blogged about this a couple of times but I feel like every time I do, there's something new to share.

For us, it was me that brought spanking to our relationship. It took me fifteen years but I did it! I turned 100,000 shades of red when I said the word, but I did it and my husband was open to it. Even though it was not something he was drawn to himself, if it would turn me on, he was game to try it. Kind of typical for a man, right? ;)

So we tried it. The first time was awkward. We felt silly and had to have a drink, then another. I felt embarrassed and I think he did too which is totally natural if you've been together forever without any sort of power exchange at all in your relationship. Wait, I want to add something now that I've said that. My husband is naturally the leader in our family. I like it that way, I always have. When it comes down to final decisions, he will make them and I'm good with that. I trust him completely and it's really nice to have someone to lean on.

OK, back to spanking. So we started to add spanking sessions into our lives sporadically at first. He was very nervous about the kids walking in on us. I wasn't - I know how my kids sleep once they're down for the night. It was just the getting them down that was tough. And by the time we could safely do this, we were both tired.

So, given the circumstances and where he was coming from and where I was coming from, things did not go as smoothly as I'd imagined and my feelings  over this surprised me. I found myself to be less and less tolerant as I became more and more disappointed. It came to a point where I told him the disappointment was more damaging to our relationship than not spanking at all.

If you're reading this, you're likely drawn to this so you know when I say spanking, I don't mean just the physical act of spanking. Well, as a non-Spanko, my husband didn't understand a lot of this and didn't understand that this wasn't just foreplay for me. That made me angry. It had taken me so long to come out and I had expected he would just slip into the role of Dominant but it didn't go that way.

I talked to friends, so many friends, who tried to help, tried to advise. One thing I kept hearing was that we were so new and I had to be patient. I got that in a way, but there's a part of me that is also just impatient. I know no one understands that, right??  Well, I figured I'd been wanting this for so long and finally had the courage to ask for it and he should get it!

Well, we've talked and talked and talked. We've had some help from good friends and I wish I could tell you what it was that made the difference to him, but something clicked. He got something. The last time he spanked me, I had to turn around after twenty to see if he was using his belt! Twenty!! All this time I thought I had buns of steel… Well, it was probably the best spanking yet (and the worst in the moment).

I want to understand what it is that makes us go back for more - but that's another discussion. Anyhow, I realize we are still so very new at this but I'm so happy that he's taken on his role so much more fully now. We have appointments once a week to talk (Wednesday nights) and once a week to play although the latter is elusive as anyone with small children who are old enough to understand knows. I'm happy with where we are though and feel so close to him, it's amazing. It's like a brand new relationship and I'm looking forward to more.

We have quite a few participants this week so please click through to check out the other links. We'll be doing these discussions once every three weeks or so so make sure to check back and if a topic appeals to you, join in. We'd love to hear from you!




24 comments:

Tara Finnegan said...

OMG Natasha, step back a lot of years and that was my story. I wonder how many of us have been there? Loads I bet!
The period of dabbling and tweaking is just so frustrating and trying to fit it in around family life...well that's a whole other story, and not always a good one! but here's to the HEA... you have to love them.

Cara Bristol said...

Glad you didn't give up on getting what you wanted.

Casey McKay said...

What is with us spankos and our non-spanko spouses? We are corrupting the world one spanking at a time!

I love that you have appointments to talk. You need to talk about it or you won't get anywhere. Oh and drinks, you need drinks...

I love this! Thanks for sharing :)

Natasha Knight said...

I think so many of us share the same story and I swear I could read these same stories over and over again and just connect. It's like reading about spankings - it's never enough...

Natasha Knight said...

Thank you Cara. I think the desire was too great to be given up so it wasn't by choice. I am a big chicken...

Natasha Knight said...

Drinks are standard here. Do you know on my way back from the US I was able to pick up two bottles of vodka (ciroc, my fave) at duty free and my husband's like 'how did you score 2, you're only allowed one per ticket.' Lucky me… not sure how this got to vodka…

Yes, corrupting the world one spanking at a time!!

Patricia Green said...

Persistence and a dose of patience was what it took. You're lucky it "clicked" for him. Obviously, he was trying, too. Good guy.

Aubrey Cara said...

I brought it up more spur of the moment, but after it was out there and we did really talk about it, I remember my frustration that he just didn't 'get it'. I expected the awkwardness and to feel silly, but I think that frustration was the most surprising thing for me also. It took my husband a lot longer to really embrace it. Glad he finally got it. That's the best feeling.

katherinedeane said...

I remember that frustration (and resentment) as well! :)
There were times when I thought spanking (or the lack of) was actually ruining our relationship!
:)

katherinedeane said...

Natasha, you sound so much like me!
I have had (and still do sometimes!) those feelings.

I totally relate to the fatigue after a long day, and the "little people contingency plans"! :)

I'm so glad you guys finally got to talk and understand each other.
I'm so happy for you guys!!
:)

Joelle said...

I love that you're still growing and learning in it. Sometimes I miss that- since I already had so much BDSM experience when I met my Master. That impatience can be a pain, can't it?

Natasha Knight said...

In the beginning of this when I'd read blogs, I was, quite honestly, often jealous that it didn't go so easily. In a way, it's comforting to know we are or were in the same boat once.

I'm glad it's gone better Aubrey and by the way, hot site! I just checked you out.

Thanks for dropping by.

Sue Lyndon said...

Your experience sounds similar to mine. I can totally relate to the disappointment and a non-spanko not quite getting it. It does take patience, but I think that can help us grow. At least that's what I'm telling myself. Loved your post, Natasha. :)

Penelope said...

Thanks for sharing, Natasha! I love the honesty and feeling you put into these posts. And I'm so glad that you and Mr Knight are in a good place... one that will keep getting better :)

I know the feeling of frustration you describe, though I tend to gloss over that in my own blog. Before I met Mr Right I had had nothing but disappointment kink-wise. But you capture the impulse I felt - the one we all feel - the drive that spurs us on to keep trying in the face of fear and/or setbacks exactly when you say that "the desire was too great to be given up" (in a comment above).

Natasha Knight said...

He is a good guy. Thanks Patricia. :)

Natasha Knight said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Natasha Knight said...

Hit enter too soon…

Thanks Katie. I agree, we share so many similarities in this, it's amazing. I am so happy to share our experiences.

Natasha Knight said...

Damn that impatience…!!! ;D

Natasha Knight said...

Thanks Sue. I was really glad to read your post too (as you know:) Funny how talking about this out loud, things like the disappointment I mean, are ok for me now. I don't think I would have been able to do that a while ago.

Natasha Knight said...

Thank you Penelope. It really is good to hear that it wasn't all romance novel perfection on the first try with others too - for some reason, I had thought it would be. Naive, but true. Glad to be where we are now though - still working but in a good place.

I love your blog posts by the way so don't change a thing you do.

x

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Casey McKay said...

The people at customs must have thought you were hot! And we can never stay on one topic, that's how we roll.

Natasha Knight said...

Thank you for letting me know and I'm glad you like the blog. E-mail me if you would like to write a guest post. :)

Jane said...

I think I've always considered spanking to be a non-verbal form of communication. It has a language all of its own and, yeah, I think it's entirely normal for initial 'discussions' to be a little disjointed. There is nothing better than that moment when it clicks, though. :-)