This week's Round Table discussion asks the question 'who brought spanking into the relationship.' I've blogged about this a couple of times but I feel like every time I do, there's something new to share.
For us, it was me that brought spanking to our relationship. It took me fifteen years but I did it! I turned 100,000 shades of red when I said the word, but I did it and my husband was open to it. Even though it was not something he was drawn to himself, if it would turn me on, he was game to try it. Kind of typical for a man, right? ;)
So we tried it. The first time was awkward. We felt silly and had to have a drink, then another. I felt embarrassed and I think he did too which is totally natural if you've been together forever without any sort of power exchange at all in your relationship. Wait, I want to add something now that I've said that. My husband is naturally the leader in our family. I like it that way, I always have. When it comes down to final decisions, he will make them and I'm good with that. I trust him completely and it's really nice to have someone to lean on.
OK, back to spanking. So we started to add spanking sessions into our lives sporadically at first. He was very nervous about the kids walking in on us. I wasn't - I know how my kids sleep once they're down for the night. It was just the getting them down that was tough. And by the time we could safely do this, we were both tired.
So, given the circumstances and where he was coming from and where I was coming from, things did not go as smoothly as I'd imagined and my feelings over this surprised me. I found myself to be less and less tolerant as I became more and more disappointed. It came to a point where I told him the disappointment was more damaging to our relationship than not spanking at all.
If you're reading this, you're likely drawn to this so you know when I say spanking, I don't mean just the physical act of spanking. Well, as a non-Spanko, my husband didn't understand a lot of this and didn't understand that this wasn't just foreplay for me. That made me angry. It had taken me so long to come out and I had expected he would just slip into the role of Dominant but it didn't go that way.
I talked to friends, so many friends, who tried to help, tried to advise. One thing I kept hearing was that we were so new and I had to be patient. I got that in a way, but there's a part of me that is also just impatient. I know no one understands that, right?? Well, I figured I'd been wanting this for so long and finally had the courage to ask for it and he should get it!
Well, we've talked and talked and talked. We've had some help from good friends and I wish I could tell you what it was that made the difference to him, but something clicked. He got something. The last time he spanked me, I had to turn around after twenty to see if he was using his belt! Twenty!! All this time I thought I had buns of steel… Well, it was probably the best spanking yet (and the worst in the moment).
I want to understand what it is that makes us go back for more - but that's another discussion. Anyhow, I realize we are still so very new at this but I'm so happy that he's taken on his role so much more fully now. We have appointments once a week to talk (Wednesday nights) and once a week to play although the latter is elusive as anyone with small children who are old enough to understand knows. I'm happy with where we are though and feel so close to him, it's amazing. It's like a brand new relationship and I'm looking forward to more.
We have quite a few participants this week so please click through to check out the other links. We'll be doing these discussions once every three weeks or so so make sure to check back and if a topic appeals to you, join in. We'd love to hear from you!