During this week's Round Table, we are discussing role play. When I hear the words role play, I automatically think I should grab my schoolgirl uniform and my husband will play the headmaster. I love the idea - even just writing the word headmaster gets me going. But what I'm going to write about is a different aspect of role play altogether. Sorry guys - naughty schoolgirl fantasy will have to wait…
My husband and I are newer at this. In case you're new to my blog, I only just came out to him in December 2012. We've had some great sessions and some not so great sessions. They don't always work out like the books… J
One thing we're getting really really great at is talking.
My husband was actually the one to bring up role play and for us, I think it will become a sort of bridge to help get us from one place to the next. We've been together for a long time and our relationship only recently includes spanking. He's made the comment that for as long as we've known each other, the element of power exchange was simply not there. I'd kept my secret well… He admitted he had a hard time with stepping into this new role and wrapping his brain around it without some element of making it into a role play. And I realized this was also true for me. I guess after so many years together, it was just as hard for me to step into the role of submissive even while I was the one asking for it.
I have a good friend who helped simplify things for me and for us and a part of that simplification is the role play. Together, my husband and I choose the date and time to play (we have kids so we must plan ahead). He knows I like to be spanked so that's a part of what we'll do but in that allotted time, he decides on the rest and becomes, for the time allotted and agreed upon, the Dominant partner - the one who gets to make up the game. I become the submissive partner who surrenders herself to it.
I know, you're saying huh? I thought you were already the submissive partner. Read on…
This is an interesting piece for me - the whole 'playing' the role of the submissive. As much as this is my nature, as much as this is what makes my knees go weak and my belly do crazy things, I have to really get myself into the mindset to play the part of the submissive partner, the one who, well, submits or surrenders her power over to her Dominant.
This comes not as easily as one would think. Certainly not as easily as I thought. I am inclined to give instruction - yes, even while bent over the arm of the couch, skirt up, panties down… I like to be the boss of things and really need someone who can manage that so my partner has to be stronger than me in every way and I can tell you, I'm always looking for holes. It's a bad habit.
The friend I mentioned above gave me one other piece of advice. Well, it wasn't really advice, it was more a non-negotiable instruction: no matter what you want to say or do to 'help' your partner, you neither say it nor do it within the time that you are playing. You simply submit. Period. It's not that hard - you just do as he says. And tough luck if it's not exactly what you wanted.
Well, this is kind of hard for me - see what I said a few sentences ago. I introduced this to our relationship and as much as I'd like to hand over the paddle and lower my brow (or offer my bottom), it's not a natural, instinctual place for my husband to be. And this is where role play for us fits right now.
In doing this, I have a very clear instruction in my mind. Just one instruction: submit to whatever he says. It sounds really easy when I write it but it took me some time to wrap my brain around - still wrapping even… This is still new to me but I can tell you, it makes a difference. Knowing that I'm not to say one single word, not make a tiny little adjustment to a position, not take responsibility over the smallest part of what is to happen - well, it kind of works for me. The instruction is so clear - just submit. That's it. That's all that is expected of me - play the role of the submissive.
I wonder how long it will take for me to stop playing the role and just become it.