Saturday, May 11, 2013

Mothers Day

My mom and I have had turbulent times and we've had amazing times. I think we get each other like my sisters don't get me or her. My mom is a complete nut - a lunatic. She's crazy and fun and funny and wild. She loves to spend her days going to the casinos, gambling away her cents and talking up the old folks. I think it makes her feel good. 

When I was quite young, we left the county where I was born. My parents left everything behind and brought us to America. We were a country at war, people were killing each other and it was such a natural way of life that I had no idea there was another way. I don't remember saying goodbye to my grandmother or anyone else for that matter. At that age, I had no idea what anything meant. I certainly had no idea what my parents were going through. I do remember getting ice cream on the flight though. That must have been the highlight because I can still almost feel that.

I didn't realize for a very long time how difficult those first years were for my parents - especially my mother. She didn't even speak English. My dad worked and he had his connections. My mother was alone. A lot. My sisters and I rebelled -  each worse than the last. We were trying to fit in. Girls man, they're God's 'special' gift…

Anyhow, my mom lost her best friend a few months ago. It was a friendship that just ended. She didn't talk about it for a long time or when she did, she was 'ok' - nothing wrong. Then a couple of weeks ago after Skyping, she e-mailed me to tell me how sad she was about it, how she'd been crying over it every time she thought of what had happened and how when she'd tried to apologize, the apology was not accepted. She made me promise not to tell my sisters anything of the story. 

I think life happens around us and to us and sometimes it's wonderful and other times awful but most of the time right in the middle. I don't want to take the pain away from my mom. I think this is interesting but it's almost the same with my kids (easier to say when they're just in the middle bits or course). I think everyone has to take on their share of the good, sad and mediocre. The good makes us happy, makes us laugh, gives us energy to live and enjoy. The sad hurts, it makes us feel, it makes us cry and it gives us layers or maybe the way to say it is that it peels away layers - makes us connect with each other (so good in the end). The mediocre? I believe we need that to recover. 

I wrote this post last night and reading it now, I realize it's turned out fairly dark. Ah well…

Since Mother's Day is tomorrow, I want to send a note to my mom to say that I'm proud of you. I'm incredibly grateful for the sacrifices you made when I couldn't even begin to comprehend for a long time just what they cost you. But mostly, I'm grateful to have you in my life knowing you trust me enough to share your pain as well as your joy.